I'm Ready
by Dungeonwriter
Summary: As Zuko prepares to go on a suicide mission in episode 19, he says goodbye to his uncle. He could not bring himself to say things, but here are his thoughts.


This fic is dedicated to Bronia, who you can read about in my livejournal in the holocaust essay. The words in bold are something she herself said. Whenever I leave my dad after spending time with him, I try to be all formal but the moment my mum drives me home, I cry and cry. Poor Zuko. Next season, he better start rising. And Anzu, Iroh's adorable son returns! This is also in honor of InkHeart who inspired this fic. Now do you understand Zuko?

I'm Ready

I'm all ready to go. All the supplies I can fit on have been loaded. I try not to think about how impossible this suicide mission is. Everything I ever wanted has been impossible and out of my reach. Why should this be any different?

The door opens. I should panic but I know those footsteps. I know them like I know my own heart-beat. I had tried to sneak out before saying goodbye.

I don't mind dying for my cause. I am ready to face whatever the gods have decided for my cursed existence. I just can't bear to see my uncle in pain. I have no right to give him this grief.

**The moment is here. How do you say goodbye to the person who you love more then anything in the world? What parting words are right?**

I've never been a good speaker. I say nothing.

"If you are fishing for an octopus, my nephew; you need a tightly woven net or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole," I hear him say. I know what he is trying to say and I can't hear it now. I cannot doubt myself.

A lump settles in my throat and it takes all my strength not to break down. I have to be strong. "I don't need your wisdom right now," I tell him. Hearing your voice makes me want to stay with you and I know I have to leave. I have no choice.

"I'm sorry. I just nag you because…well…ever since I lost my own son," I can hear the tears choked into Uncle's words. Uncle's true son,Anzu. Even in death, his name brings out feelings of reverence in me.

Anzu was a legend, a hero, a marvel. Everyone loved him. Even my father loved him, it was impossible not to cherish Anzu. As for me, I worshipped him as the gift of Agni to the world.

Anzu was the big brother who would make him laugh. He was the one who taught me to ride a Komodo Rhino. He was the one who made me believe in myself. I was seven when he died. I walked up to Uncle and told him that if I could give my life to bring back his son, I would. I know they wished the same thing.

"You don't have to say it," I almost plead. I know what Uncle is going to say next. Nothing hurts me more then that.

"I think of you as my own." Those horrible words. He is wrong. I am not his own. I am the dust on Anzu's boots. I am a failure and he was a God. How could I ever replace him? I can't live up to half the things he did. All I do is bring sadness.

"I know, Uncle." But I don't deserve him to think that way over a mistake. He picked the protégé who was weak and hated, who got himself exiled. He deserves to be rid of me or to have someone to be proud of. Tonight, I'll find it which one it will be.

I bow deeply, indicating my respect for my master, my teacher, my father-figure, my elder and the only person who ever loved me. If this is the last time I see him, this is how I want to be remembered by him. "We will meet again." In this world or the next, I do not know.

I feel his arms embrace me. I am not used to being touched, neither of us are very demonstrative. For one shocked second, I allow myself to be a child and feel safe in his grasp. For a single second, I allow myself to pretend that his hug could make everything all right. If I don't pull away now, I will never be able to let go. I need to deserve his love. "After I find the Avatar."

As I hop into the boot, he still can't let go of me. I yearn to hear his voice forever but I have to leave. He has done too much for me already. "Remember your breath of fire. It could save your life out there."

"I will." I will remember you, Uncle. I will hold you close to my heart. I will revere you. If I die, I will watch over you.

"And put your hood up, keep your ears warm." He still sees me as a child, needing to be guided by the hand. Does he really not think me ready? I can hear the desperation in his voice.

I need to give him one last bit of comfort. "I'll be fine." I will be fine because I love you, Uncle. I'll be fine because of all the love you gave me. I'll be fine because tonight, tonight, I will finally end your pain, one way or another.

I will be like Anzu, I will be strong, I will make you proud.

Now I am ready.


End file.
